If you're reading your writing back and it doesn't sound good, the problem is likely to be that you use unnecessary words. Too many adjectives (more than one for each noun) will always sound silly and flowery. If you think you sound amateurish on the page, take out some words.
After that, base your characters on real people. It doesn't have to go as far as parodying people that you know, but if you at least have a certain person you know or an actor in your head to represent the character, you'll be able to see them more richly, to hear their voice, envision how they move and get a clearer picture of them in every sense.
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